Can I Have A Real Moment With You?

Lately I have been asked even more, “how is your wife doing?” Overall the fact that she is still here with us has been the biggest blessing ever. I thank God daily for each day and even each moment that I get to spend with her.

We used to love going on long walks together. We would talk about the future, share stories of our past, and even share thoughts about growing our family. So much has changed in such a short time.

Yesterday I had to explain to a coworker that my wife has a hard time just letting the dogs outside. God has done an amazing thing by healing Kristeen enough to get her off of the oxygen, but the battle she still faces today is her heart rate jumps up to 140 bpm anytime she gets up to walk or even standing to brush her teeth.

At this point Kristeen is not even able to walk around a store with me, she can’t do the simple things like go grocery shopping, and even trying on clothes because she has lost weight is a struggle, but no matter how much life has changed for us, God has still showed us that He is in control.

I don’t mind pushing my wife around in a wheel chair. We have been to the zoo plenty of times with the kids and each time I push her all over the park. My bride is my gift from the Lord and no matter how much “work” I have to do because of the cancer, I do it willingly because I love my wife.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have my moments when I become short tempered. I have to constantly remind myself to be patient and loving each time Kristeen calls my name because she needs something. She is not doing it because she is lazy, but instead because she needs me now more than ever. I have to submit to her needs and serve her.

I don’t know what the future holds but I serve a God that knows it all and what we will face. People try to tell me that I am strong but I remind them that I am weak and my strength is found in the Lord. I can’t imagine facing difficulty without God on my side.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The doctor said we might have 6 months if no treatment or maybe a year with treatment. So far it is been 10 months since we found out about the stage 4 Lung Cancer and each time we see God defying the doctors prognosis we give Him the glory. A doctor can only do what he knows, but God is the true healer. God can heal when medicine can’t.

I don’t know what you are facing today, but I ask you, have you come to God in prayer about that situation? If you are trying to do it alone the weight will be too much to handle. Call upon the name of the Lord and exercise that faith! Just like our physical bodies, our spiritual body needs to be used consistently.

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.


Hear My Cry Oh Lord – Poem

So now I sit and wait

Wondering if it is too late

Waiting for answers to my questions

Everyone giving me suggestions

Oh what a journey this has been

Asking God when when when

When will this be over

When will Your healing spillover

Day and night we pray

That she will reach her next birthday

Lord we need more time

We know You are working overtime

All of our needs we bring before You

We know there is still much to do

We call upon Your name

The name of Jesus we claim

We cry out with our souls

Please make Kristeen whole

Each day brings new circumstances

Yet You have provided for all of our finances

God you amaze

Our hearts set ablaze

We believe You raised

Jesus Christ as everyone gave praise

Do it again Lord

We pray in one accord

We call upon Thee

To set Kristeen free

Bind up that cancer

You are the only answer

May all the people see

In Jesus name cancer does flee

We place our faith in You

Please make Kristeen brand new

I have entered my cry

Now I wait for Your reply…

Copyright 2018 KNG Music & Praise First Publishing

Waiting For A Breakthrough – Poem

Who am I

A question we all ask but why

Looking for the meaning of life

Yet this life cuts like a knife

A wound deep beneath the skin

Almost like it was built-in

Why do I have this pain

Building up like a bad sprain

Everyone offers help to lift you up

But that is only a momentary pickup

So today who has reached out

Who has helped me with this doubt

I implore you to never give up

Stop trying to cover-up

All the pain that holds you down

All the pain that causes you to frown

All the pain that makes you feel let down

All the pain that makes you want to breakdown

There has to be more

Than what you can buy in the store

I want you to keep singing

Your voice always in my ear bringing

My spirit up

Even when I have a buildup

Of pain

All caught in my brain

But the easy answer

Is there is no cure for cancer

Who dealt me these cards

I have always been on guard

Trying to protect the ones I love

Keep them close to me like a glove

But no matter how hard I try

The end continues to draw nigh

I want to enjoy today

Please don’t push me away

I know you are scared

But that is why Jesus shared

His life on the cross

To remind satan that He was the boss

Today I plead with you

To let go of everything that is making you blue

It is time to restore all that is true

God’s word kicks evil like Kung Fu

I can’t pull you through

But if you have faith Jesus will come through

Can I ask you a question

Will you stop all the aggression

Will you begin with confession

This is just my suggestion

Faith removes the depression

And leaves a positive impression

We are made in the image of God

Except Adam & Eve allowed us to become flawed

Nonetheless by the grace of God

We can now applaud

For God has given us a way

So we will no longer betray

The Son of Man

This has been God’s plan

To sacrifice His only Son

He said “it is finished” & then it was done

God help me remain strong

All the day long

Even when life happens

Help me to continue laughing

I give my life to You

I am waiting for a breakthrough

Copyright 2017 KNG Music & Praise First Publishing

We Didn’t Plan This – Poem

How can you understand

Cancer was never planned

How did this happen

Where is your compassion

People complaining about nothing

Always talking about something

Yet this pain is not leaving

Here I am grieving

The world constantly deceiving

Yet the sheep are still unbelieving

How can I move forward

The questions sound like a broken recorder

How is she doing

Questions sound like they are interviewing

We are waiting on a miracle

Something that is biblical

Not searching for “a” healer

Yet constantly checking for a fever

Looking for “The Healer”

To bind up the cancer like a concealer

Not just hide it

But transform it

Remove the cells that are attacking

While the doctors are tracking

So they can see

That God can do anything

Meanwhile I get inspired

Even when I am tired

God keeps speaking to my mind

Wanting me to reach out to the blind

I am just a man looking to share God’s plan

I reached out to this particular man

Where is the man that wanted to be

More than what the world said he could achieve

A man chasing after God

Instead of trying to avoid the rod

Common man don’t give me this or that

It is time to get back on track

What more are you waiting for

God is standing, knocking, on your front door❗️🚪

I can’t save you

But I can remind you

Jesus died to save you

He won’t run from you

No matter how long it takes

He waits patiently even when we try to be fake

Our feelings may be hurt

Put back on your shirt

Nobody wants to see that

It is time to fall flat

On our faces

And get back in God’s good graces. 🙏

I praise God for my pain

Because He allows me to see through the rain

It is just a storm

The prayers continue to transform

All my pain into a testimony

No I am not trying to be phony

My story is not over

It is hard to find like a 4 leaf clover

Buried among many chapters

I am praying for the rapture

Jesus I don’t know how much more I can take

Take a hold of my soul and shake

Cause me to remain strong

Continue to show me where I belong

Your power is stronger

And keeps me fighting longer

Hold me up

Fill my cup

Cause me to overflow

Pour out so others may grow

Closer to You Lord

It is You alone that I adore❗️
Copyright 2017 KNGMusic & Praise First Publishing

Do You Remember When…

Do you remember the first time you received bad news? Last week my wife was in the hospital with what everyone thought was pneumonia. The doctor did a bronchoscopy and didn’t find any tumors so we thought we were in the clear. The biopsy takes a couple of days to come back. I was the first one to get the phone call and the doctor said, “it is cancer.” I was immediately in shock, I didn’t know how to respond, well how could I other then scream internally and question God why why why?

Kristeen’s mom died from lung cancer that metastasized to her brain about 3.5 years ago, but her mom smoked and was much older. I couldn’t comprehend how this could be happening to such a young woman. My wife has been such a giving person of herself and her time to so many people. I immediately thought God I am not ready to give my wife to you, I need her here, my kids need her here.

Yesterday we met with the oncologist and he gave us what the treatment options are. Of course I wasn’t thrilled with our options or the fact that this cancer is not cureable according to modern day medicine, but I still hold on to the fact that I serve a miracle working God and just because the doctors say there is no way doesn’t mean that God can’t do it. My dad was told he would never walk again and he has been walking for many years still.

The prognosis was very scary, I won’t lie about that, but I had to ask what the doctors thought about how much more time I would have with my wife. Some of you may know and understand that Kristeen is at stage 4 and the cancer has spread from her lungs, to her bones, and even to her brain. I try not to focus on the time we have left, but instead leave time in God’s hand while I take in every moment I have left with my bride. I love my wife and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.

I will leave everyone with this, don’t take anything for granted and be thankful for everything that God has blessed you with because in an instant everything can change.

Do you know who holds the future?

I have been traveling down a long road and have finally come to the turning point. I am ready to move forward and leave my past behind me. People are questioning me and the decisions I am making. I feel like God has been the driving force in helping me get through a broken marriage and yet healing my heart to love again. I told my fiancée at the time I met her that we were not compatible and that I didn’t want any relationships. Yet time and time again it felt like God was getting us together to talk and interact. I told her this isn’t going to be easy, this is going to be an uphill battle. I can’t trust a woman again after everything I have gone through. Kristeen told me not to worry and she would be transparent in everything she did. She overly communicated with me to help build a foundation of trust.

People think I am moving to fast, people think I am doing everything for the wrong reasons, but how do they know? They are not living in my house, they do not know my daily life that I live out each day. I have turned to God during all my heartache because who else would listen, who else would completely understand my situation? God did! God put His arm around me and said you are going to be okay. I am now coming out of my tunnel and looking to keep down the track that God has set before me. I have learned not to seek the opinions of others because everyone has their own thoughts about how to move forward. I have put my trust in God and that He alone will guide me along this track until He decides it is time for me to change my position.

I have given my heart to Kristeen because she has captured it with her tender kindness. I tell her daily how blessed I feel to have someone that steps in to help, loves on my kids, and completely understands my emotions. Marriage is not about finding the best looking or richest partner, but more about finding someone that wants to grow with you and work with you. There is no such thing as an easy marriage, it takes hard work, communication, and an understanding that the union of two people becoming one must last no matter what comes against it. I have dedicated myself to Kristeen and I have received her oath as well to become one body before God. Together we shall look to do the will of God. We shall seek out what God has planned for our lives and let Him open the doors.

All I ask of you my fellow brethren is that you continue to pray for our relationship and all of the other couples that have decided to give their lives to each other. Marriage is tough but we ask that instead of taking sides when it gets tough, give advise for those couples to search out God and seek wisdom from The Lord to guide them.

Awaken the Holy Spirit Within Your Life

Nate Fancher Interviews Tim Timmons

Kristeen kept telling me to listen to this interview that Nate did with Tim Timmons.  If you haven’t heard it yet please take a moment and be blessed by the insight that Tim has been given.  This year has been an eye opener for me, and my walk with The Lord is 10X more then it has ever been in the past.  Tim points out the pruning of the vine to bear more fruit, and God had to cut back my vine tremendously this year but He does it with love and care like that of a gardener.  I have had multiple experiences like that of Tim and I urge each person that reads my short blog to stop and ask if God has been speaking into your life.  I was a Christian for 27 years before I was cut back and God brought me to a place of humility.  I can’t do it on my own; I was trying to drive my life with God in the back seat and it just doesn’t work that way.  Stop pushing on doors that God doesn’t want to open; you will become weary. God has the key and will open the doors within His perfect timing.  The time has come to be more in touch with your own heart and draw closer to Jesus so that the Holy Spirit can bless your life more than your mind can imagine.


God’s Healing Hand

On my way to church, we swung by McDonald’s to grab a quick meal.  I texted my co-worker to find out if she had eaten dinner yet.  I didn’t get back a response so I bought her something to eat just in case.  Her mom was in the ICU for 3+ weeks, the doctors got to the point where they handed her a DNR form.  None of us ever want to be in the position where we have to make the ultimate decision about the life of another.  I went to visit her and her mom when she was in the ICU, her mom was highly medicated, on a respirator, and had something that was pumping her heart for her.  At this stage, if you don’t have God you might throw in the towel.  We talked together about God’s healing power and not to sign the DNR because then that is us not trusting in God to work a miracle.  I have been in constant contact with her via text messages and believing in a healing for her mother.

Fast forward back to tonight, her mom was relocated out of the ICU and into a rehab center; the doctors said that her trust in God was inspiring.  Not all doctors are Christian so when they witness a work of God before their eyes it becomes difficult for them to accept.  I went into the rehab center and up to the second floor.  After knocking on the door I was invited into the room.  Her mom was excited to see the McDonald’s and said “give me that before the nurses take it away”, I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself because anyone that has had hospital food for a few days would feel the exact same way.  Her mom looked at me after I handed off the McDonald’s and asked me “are you a preacher?”  This has been one of the hardest questions to answer for me lately.  God has been working so much in my own life that I am daily declaring His goodness and mercy.  I had to stop and think…am I a preacher?

I explained to her mom that I have been praying for her recovery daily and that I came to her bedside when she was in the ICU.  Having faith is believing in something that can’t be seen or touched by hand and we have been exercising our faith that our God would touch the life of this woman and bring back her strength.  I told her that I wanted to share a song that Kristeen and I wrote together.  I played the song that was on YouTube for both of them.  It was unanimous that they loved it, they said that “Kristeen’s voice is so beautiful and you are both very talented to write such a pretty song”.  I was touched by such a compliment, but I turned it back to the One that deserves all the credit, it was a song that was written and inspired by God.

It was getting late and I advised them that I needed to go so that we could make it to church tonight.  I asked to say a prayer for them; I reached out to hold momma’s hand and my co-workers hand.  I felt the Holy Spirit come over us and thanked God for each and every moment that He has given to us to share our lives together.  God isn’t done yet with this woman who is a God fearing child of the Father or He would have taken her up to Him already.  In our daily lives, we must have childlike faith that God is with us and through our prayers He listens and answers those that call upon His name.