We Didn’t Plan This – Poem

How can you understand

Cancer was never planned

How did this happen

Where is your compassion

People complaining about nothing

Always talking about something

Yet this pain is not leaving

Here I am grieving

The world constantly deceiving

Yet the sheep are still unbelieving

How can I move forward

The questions sound like a broken recorder

How is she doing

Questions sound like they are interviewing

We are waiting on a miracle

Something that is biblical

Not searching for “a” healer

Yet constantly checking for a fever

Looking for “The Healer”

To bind up the cancer like a concealer

Not just hide it

But transform it

Remove the cells that are attacking

While the doctors are tracking

So they can see

That God can do anything

Meanwhile I get inspired

Even when I am tired

God keeps speaking to my mind

Wanting me to reach out to the blind

I am just a man looking to share God’s plan

I reached out to this particular man

Where is the man that wanted to be

More than what the world said he could achieve

A man chasing after God

Instead of trying to avoid the rod

Common man don’t give me this or that

It is time to get back on track

What more are you waiting for

God is standing, knocking, on your front door❗️🚪

I can’t save you

But I can remind you

Jesus died to save you

He won’t run from you

No matter how long it takes

He waits patiently even when we try to be fake

Our feelings may be hurt

Put back on your shirt

Nobody wants to see that

It is time to fall flat

On our faces

And get back in God’s good graces. 🙏

I praise God for my pain

Because He allows me to see through the rain

It is just a storm

The prayers continue to transform

All my pain into a testimony

No I am not trying to be phony

My story is not over

It is hard to find like a 4 leaf clover

Buried among many chapters

I am praying for the rapture

Jesus I don’t know how much more I can take

Take a hold of my soul and shake

Cause me to remain strong

Continue to show me where I belong

Your power is stronger

And keeps me fighting longer

Hold me up

Fill my cup

Cause me to overflow

Pour out so others may grow

Closer to You Lord

It is You alone that I adore❗️
Copyright 2017 KNGMusic & Praise First Publishing

http://www.KNGMusicMinistry.com

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Do You Remember When…


Do you remember the first time you received bad news? Last week my wife was in the hospital with what everyone thought was pneumonia. The doctor did a bronchoscopy and didn’t find any tumors so we thought we were in the clear. The biopsy takes a couple of days to come back. I was the first one to get the phone call and the doctor said, “it is cancer.” I was immediately in shock, I didn’t know how to respond, well how could I other then scream internally and question God why why why?

Kristeen’s mom died from lung cancer that metastasized to her brain about 3.5 years ago, but her mom smoked and was much older. I couldn’t comprehend how this could be happening to such a young woman. My wife has been such a giving person of herself and her time to so many people. I immediately thought God I am not ready to give my wife to you, I need her here, my kids need her here.

Yesterday we met with the oncologist and he gave us what the treatment options are. Of course I wasn’t thrilled with our options or the fact that this cancer is not cureable according to modern day medicine, but I still hold on to the fact that I serve a miracle working God and just because the doctors say there is no way doesn’t mean that God can’t do it. My dad was told he would never walk again and he has been walking for many years still.

The prognosis was very scary, I won’t lie about that, but I had to ask what the doctors thought about how much more time I would have with my wife. Some of you may know and understand that Kristeen is at stage 4 and the cancer has spread from her lungs, to her bones, and even to her brain. I try not to focus on the time we have left, but instead leave time in God’s hand while I take in every moment I have left with my bride. I love my wife and wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.

I will leave everyone with this, don’t take anything for granted and be thankful for everything that God has blessed you with because in an instant everything can change.
http://www.KNGMusicMinistry.com

Hope Through Suffering – Sermon Notes

Thank you for joining us again at Faith Matters.  We are happy that you are here today to listen in to what God has placed on my heart.  For those of you that caught the last message, my leg is healing up nicely praise God!  I keep looking up at that tree and each time think of how it could have ended much differently, but God’s protection prevailed.  Today I don’t have a lot of back drop to share with how my week has been, but what I am going to share today is straight from my heart, please do not judge or hold any ill will against me, I think it is a must for me to share the struggles that I have been going through for the last 100 days.

Let’s open up with prayer.  Dear Lord, I pray that what I am about to discuss hits home with those who need this message.  Your people are battling some of things that I am going to cover on a daily basis.  Lord, help each of us to learn how to become more patient, slow to speak, slow to anger.  Without You Lord we can’t do it, but with You ALL things are possible.  God I thank you for pricking my heart and nudging me to share my story.  I pray that it helps others who are struggling.  Lord continue to use me, keep me humble, and let my words bring forth truth and give justice to the word of God.  In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

I wanted to share today the definition of broken:

  1. having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.
  2. (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. (defeated, beaten, subdued)

Broken can mean a lot of different things to different people.  What I want to talk about today is not an easy subject for me.  For the past 100+ days my wife has been battling with a headache that will not leave.  She has been seeing what they call “starbursts” in her vision.  She has been very weak, her skin has been sensitive just to a regular touch, and her feet have begun to hurt such that she can’t stand in place without have to lift one foot to give the other foot relief.  Instantly at this point you might say, “well, have you taken her to the doctor?”  Doctor visit has been her new middle name.  I wish we could buy stock in the doctor office because we have been there so many times this year.

What should have just been a possible sinus infection turned into so much more.  We went to our primary doctor to try and figure out what was going on.  The normal medicine didn’t seem to kick what we thought was a cold or maybe a sinus headache.  The pain in her head just kept going on and on.  The doctor began to order up the many different blood tests, she did a x-ray of her lower back where there was pain.  Lower back came back with some deterioration, but nothing out of the norm for a woman of her age.  All the blood test came back negative.  The doctor then ordered up a MRI and sent us to a neurologist.

The neurologist reviewed the MRI and compared it to the previous MRI and said that he couldn’t see anything wrong.  For most people this would be exciting, but for my wife it was nerve racking because the doctors still couldn’t explain her pain.  The neurologist advised to do some physical therapy on the neck at least once a week.  The physical therapy hasn’t really helped at all and the pain still continued.  I mentioned to her, “let’s get your eyes checked and see if the prescription needs to be updated.”  She scheduled that to be done and got her new pair of glasses, but that hasn’t helped the headache.  It is almost like no matter what we do, nothing is helping.  Have you ever been at that point?

As I am describing all of this to you, my wife has posted a few blogs about what she is facing.  Many people have offered prayers and that has been wonderful to see.  Some people expect that their prayer should heal my wife and the reality is that only God can heal her.  Don’t take this the wrong way, but if it is God’s will for her to suffer in this season then it won’t matter who prayers for her.  I say that with a grain of salt.  I don’t want my wife to suffer any moment longer and I have tried whatever I can, but to no avail at this point.  I told my wife, “what if God needs you to suffer right now so that you can reach and help others who are suffering?  So that you can share your story and bring them hope?”

2 Corinthians 12:1-10 Paul’s Visions and His Thorn

12 I must go on boasting. Though there is nothing to be gained by it, I will go on to visions and revelations of the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows. 3 And I know that this man was caught up into paradise—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows— 4 and he heard things that cannot be told, which man may not utter. 5 On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses— 6 though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

If Paul was allowed to suffer then how can we expect that God wouldn’t allow anyone of us to suffer also?  You see in pain our emotions become weak, but in that same weakness, God can show His strength.  Let me say that one more time.  You see in pain our emotions become weak, but in that same weakness, God can show His strength.

I don’t wish any pain upon anyone, but at least we should know that God is with us.  God will not give us more than we can handle.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Now this particular verse refers to temptation, but if we are weak, in pain, hurting, does our flesh not want to give up and fall to that temptation?  It is only in Christ that we can have the strength to not adhere to our flesh, but instead overcome the struggles.
Through all of this my wife has been a warrior.  She has not given up, she has battled and fought hard, but as this condition has set in, it has taken it’s toll on her.  The doctors have most recently come back and said that she has fibromyalgia.  For most of you, you probably are wondering what is that?  Don’t worry, I had to look up exactly what it was also.  As stated by the Mayo Clinic,

“Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.

Symptoms sometimes begin after a physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress. In other cases, symptoms gradually accumulate over time with no single triggering event.

Women are much more likely to develop fibromyalgia than are men. Many people who have fibromyalgia also have tension headaches, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety and depression.

While there is no cure for fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help.”

Even with that last statement being said, “there is no cure for fibromyalgia”, I serve a powerful God.  I know that if and when God wants to heal her from this He can do it.  I will continue to seek Him and pray for my wife.  This battle is just another chapter of the book the Lord is writing in my wife’s life.  I pray that God uses her testimony for help many others see that God is good and that God can still be found in the midst of this storm.

Now that I have tried to explain to the best of my ability what is going on with her life, I want to turn this story slightly.  Many times we hear about a story from the perspective of the person that is suffering from a disease, sickness, or illness, but we don’t always hear from their spouse.  This is not about me, look at what I am doing, or trying to get any glory, but instead open a door to a situation that many never see or hear about it.

When my wife tells me she is in pain, I am a guy and my built in instinct wants to fix her.  Guess what, I can’t!  I have tried and tried and tried some more, but I have still failed in trying to help heal my wife.  It hurts my heart to know that she is struggling.  Have you ever seen a wounded dove and another dove stays behind to help her?  That is me, I am here trying to help my wounded spouse recover, overcome, and get through the day to day tasks.  Each day it is becoming harder and harder to see my wife suffer.  I thought this was only a temporary headache; the longer it has gone on, the more concerned I have become.

Many times I have ask God why her?  My wife has done a 180 degree turn since I met her, she got saved, found a whole new meaning to life in Christ, started singing, released an album, serves in a small group, volunteers at numerous events, worked in nursery, serves in our youth group, Lord why her?  You see, this is the struggle that you never hear or see.  The spouse who wants to help, but the circumstances are much bigger than me.  Only God can do this, I can only pray and seek His face.

When my wife is sleeping in bed, I pray for her, I look at her and wish there was something more that I could do.  Many times she has thought I didn’t care about her symptoms, but really I couldn’t let her see me cry and breakdown.  If I am not strong for her then I feel like I am failing her.  I struggle with the fact that I am helpless.  In any other situation I could protect her, but from this illness, I can only watch from the sidelines.  Sure I do what I can around the house like cooking, cleaning, and laundry because she hasn’t had the energy, but is that really enough?  The next thing we wanted to do was adopt a child, we are currently at the final stages, and yet I am here thinking can we really handle another kid in this household?  Will God give me the strength to care for another?  I have plenty of love to give, but will I have the strength to carry my family plus another?  So many questions swirling around in my head, yet I know that God will carry me through.  I continue to pray and ask God for His direction.  I don’t want to step off His path, the plans that He has, but it can be so difficult.  This verse helps me get through:

Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
You see when things get rough, when it looks like there is no way out, my option is to turn to God, to turn to Him in prayer.  Just ask the Lord to help.  The mind is a crazy thing, it can wander, it will tell you that you are not good enough, it will tell you that you can’t do this, it will tell you to give up, it will tell you to turn and run, but my God is not that way.  God brings me peace about this; God is the only thing that is keeping the joy in my life. I am looking at it from a whole different perspective and looking at Lord there has to be a reason and a purpose for this. Lord, there has to be somebody who has to hear her testimony, how she has battled this pain, how she has overcome it, how she has continued to look to You to get through.

This has nothing to do with me.  I am merely her support, I am merely here to help her when she gets down, I am merely here point her back to God when she thinks she can’t do it anymore.  But I am still just a human, I am still just a man and sometimes I can let doubt creep into my own life.  And I have to turn back and say alright Lord I need you to right my path, I need You to hold me up, I need you to give me everything that I need to get through today.

For those of you out there struggling, with so many different diseases and syndromes, lots of different things out there, I am not going to try and name them all.  There are so many different ones that people are battling from.  There is ones that I can’t even pronounce.  I saw someone the other day talking about this disease that they have and trying to encourage my wife and that they have been overcoming.  I have never even heard of the disease.  It can be scary, there are many things out there that the enemy will try to use to bring us down and keep us down.  You got to get back in the word, you have to read the scriptures.  The scriptures will bring you peace, the scriptures will give you strength, the scriptures will cause you to rise up and continue to stand tall, continue to stand upon the rock of the Lord.

I am going to close us out with prayer.   Heavenly Father I thank you, thank you for this opportunity to speak and really speak from my heart.  To expose the pain, trials, and suffering that I am going through in my own life Lord.  This was such a difficult message to write.  I have so much of my own pain and emotion that I have not let out and I have just been bottling it in and if I keep bottling it in then eventually I am just going to explode like a volcano.  Lord I pray for all of those out there that are suffering.  Whatever they are suffering from, I pray for them.  I pray for those who are trying to help them deal and cope to get through that suffering because they also need our prayers Lord, they also need Your strength.  Lord please be with us, be with us every day Lord and help keep us strong and help guide us Lord.  In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.

I want to thank you for taking a moment to listen.  If you need to reach out to me you can do so on Twitter @KNGMusic or on our website http://www.KNGMusicMinistry.com  I hope that things that we are posting are encouraging you.  One of the biggest things that we are trying to do is be real.  It is so easy to look at a preacher or a pastor or someone on TV and see all the good moments, you never see the bad stuff and think of wow they have such a perfect life.  There is no such thing as a perfect life; there is always something that we are going through as people, as humans, even as a Christian there is always a battle, there is always a struggle.  If you read through the Bible you will see it, it is never an easy road, there is always something going on, there is always a lesson that had to be learned.  There is always something that someone had to overcome.  Whatever you are going through, you are not alone, don’t give up, and keep pressing forward.  You found this message for some reason, and I hope that encourages you.  I hope the things that we are doing is not just so you can like it, RT it, or share it with someone else.  I hope it is encouraging, I hope it causes you to seek a deeper relationship with the Lord.  That is the real goal, purpose, everything to point people to Jesus, to point them to the truth.  Teach them how to go back, look at the scriptures, read it, absorb it, and use it to help build them up.  Well, before I start preaching again, let me just close it out.  Thank you for joining, have a blessed day.

This was my wife’s next blog post after listening to my podcast:

https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/15102187/posts/1416128489

A Opened Door To Encourage, A Closed Door To Guide You

Open Doors

I found out today that the radio station playing my sermons will no longer be broadcasting. Upon hearing this sad news, I started thinking back to how this all started. God was there when the radio station asked me to start doing a weekly Bible study they could air on the station. Honestly, I was scared at first so it was definitely a leap of faith moving forward with their request. Since then, I have poured out my heart, shared my testimony, and used this platform in 46 different episodes to reach others with the love of Christ. Some might think it’s time to close up shop, pack my bags, and move on but God has been challenging me with new doors. Could God be telling me something by closing this door?

Recording my weekly sermons behind a computer has turned into the opportunity to preach live in front of the youth group as well as a boys and girls home. My wife and I have been discussing where God is going to lead us next. Is full time ministry my calling? At this point, I am not 100% sure, but I will continue to pray about how God will use me. Please be in prayer with me that as I finish my current degree, the Holy Spirit will lead me into the next direction God wants me to take. He has blessed us so much in the past two years that I can’t even thank Him enough. I am looking forward to what the future holds and which door God will be opening next.

I am writing this not to say goodbye, but to let you know that just because the first door closed doesn’t mean it’s over. I feel like God is spurring me to press on and go deeper. I can’t stop now. I have heard so much feedback about how my sermons have helped change the lives of others. There is even a group in South Africa that listens to them together and then discusses what each person got out of it.  How amazing is that?  Only God could do such a thing!

What Direction Are You Heading? When You Get There How Do You Know You Are Ready?

Did you know that God works in mysterious ways?  Everyday, God opens my eyes to new things, new ways that He moves, with new emotions that I didn’t even know I had.  Recently, my friend Brenda approached my wife and I with a very interesting question, “were you happy before you were a Christian?”  For me, I was saved at a young age so my answer was completely different from my wife’s.  She didn’t really believe in Jesus until she was 34 years old.  I was astonished by this since she had attended Catholic services as a child.  You can hear more about her story in an interview on the subject here:

After Brenda asked us the question, I felt God place it on my heart to not only share stories about the difference of being happy versus receiving joy from The Lord, but also how people come to know God.  If you follow me on Twitter, you probably have already received my private message asking “what led you to the cross?”  I have come to realize that God calls out to us differently.  I have received 500+ responses and almost all of them have been unique in some way.  For those who don’t believe in God, I would challenge you to think about why so many people are willing to change their lives at the drop of a dime for someone they can’t see after a period of such disbelief, even in my wife?  Now that is what we call FAITH!

Hebrews 11:6 And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would

draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

I have started my mission to interview several different people and record testimonies about how God saved them.  I want others to know that no one is perfect when they find God.  We are all still trying to be more like Christ, yet we have all fallen short of His glory.  I want to share their stories to give hope to those who believe they are too far gone.  God wants you to come to Him just as you are.  Don’t wait for tomorrow for tomorrow may never come.

My Pastor shared an interesting clip from Alice In Wonderland  on Sunday with a simple exchange between Alice and the Cheshire Cat that speaks so much about the path we choose in life, and why it is so important to have a destination in mind.

                          Alice: Can you tell me which way to go? 

                          Cat: Where are you trying to go? 

                          Alice: It doesn’t quite matter. 

                          Cat: Oh well then it doesn’t really matter which path you take.

Don’t get comfortable with your walk with Christ or your path may not lead you to the promise land.  Earnestly seek His face and guidance for your steps.

Learn more about us at http://www.KNGMusicMinistry.com

Moments of Weakness

Is it okay for me to be weak today?  Lord, I have been listening to your voice, learning to watch for your signs, learning to be still instead of speaking.  In a moment, it feels like a dream has been taken away yet I know you are only protecting me from myself.  I want to be able to provide a stable household for my family, only You know my true desires in this world.  In the past, I have not listened and struck out to conqueror the world.  I have learned from my mistakes and instead turn to You for direction.

At this junction in my life, I felt it was time to obtain a larger home for my family that is growing.  You have shown me that the time is not ripe, You have turned me around and sent me in a new direction.  I am not questioning Your ability to provide, but my own human desires are not able to overlook the wants in my life.  I struggle just like any other man, there is no perfect person that walks this Earth, there was only Your Son Jesus Christ.  I long for Your return, waiting and preparing my life daily so that I may be ready when You return.

I know that this is a test of our Faith; I know that we will get through this storm and that You will be there to greet me with open arms.  I know that Kristeen’s job would not be there forever; I have always felt that You have had a higher calling upon her life.  Today is the first step as You prune her branches.  I know You will use Kristeen’s voice to touch thousands of people that are lost.  My struggle is not what I know but what I don’t know.  My ability to not see Your future plans is like opening my eyes in the Ocean, I can barely see what is in front of me to understand where I am going.  Lord, I place all my trust in You and that You will provide a new job for my wife that opens new doors for her.  I pray that this new opportunity bears more fruit for You.  Kristeen has struggled this year with many life changing events.  Lord, I thank you for our marriage that has been such a blessing for both of our lives.  Then, the loss of her mother was a difficult moment in time, but even in death You were able to allow Kristeen to write a masterpiece.  Lord, all of your people that listen to that song are deeply touched in their souls.  And now today, the loss of a job.  All of these changes in less than 6 months yet we will be Faithful!

I will daily, continually pray that You will guide us, lead us through the open doors, and show us how to be better vessels of Your LOVE.

This is my prayer…