Thank you for joining us again at Faith Matters. We are happy that you are here today to listen in to what God has placed on my heart. For those of you that caught the last message, my leg is healing up nicely praise God! I keep looking up at that tree and each time think of how it could have ended much differently, but God’s protection prevailed. Today I don’t have a lot of back drop to share with how my week has been, but what I am going to share today is straight from my heart, please do not judge or hold any ill will against me, I think it is a must for me to share the struggles that I have been going through for the last 100 days.
Let’s open up with prayer. Dear Lord, I pray that what I am about to discuss hits home with those who need this message. Your people are battling some of things that I am going to cover on a daily basis. Lord, help each of us to learn how to become more patient, slow to speak, slow to anger. Without You Lord we can’t do it, but with You ALL things are possible. God I thank you for pricking my heart and nudging me to share my story. I pray that it helps others who are struggling. Lord continue to use me, keep me humble, and let my words bring forth truth and give justice to the word of God. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
I wanted to share today the definition of broken:
- having been fractured or damaged and no longer in one piece or in working order.
- (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing. (defeated, beaten, subdued)
Broken can mean a lot of different things to different people. What I want to talk about today is not an easy subject for me. For the past 100+ days my wife has been battling with a headache that will not leave. She has been seeing what they call “starbursts” in her vision. She has been very weak, her skin has been sensitive just to a regular touch, and her feet have begun to hurt such that she can’t stand in place without have to lift one foot to give the other foot relief. Instantly at this point you might say, “well, have you taken her to the doctor?” Doctor visit has been her new middle name. I wish we could buy stock in the doctor office because we have been there so many times this year.
What should have just been a possible sinus infection turned into so much more. We went to our primary doctor to try and figure out what was going on. The normal medicine didn’t seem to kick what we thought was a cold or maybe a sinus headache. The pain in her head just kept going on and on. The doctor began to order up the many different blood tests, she did a x-ray of her lower back where there was pain. Lower back came back with some deterioration, but nothing out of the norm for a woman of her age. All the blood test came back negative. The doctor then ordered up a MRI and sent us to a neurologist.
The neurologist reviewed the MRI and compared it to the previous MRI and said that he couldn’t see anything wrong. For most people this would be exciting, but for my wife it was nerve racking because the doctors still couldn’t explain her pain. The neurologist advised to do some physical therapy on the neck at least once a week. The physical therapy hasn’t really helped at all and the pain still continued. I mentioned to her, “let’s get your eyes checked and see if the prescription needs to be updated.” She scheduled that to be done and got her new pair of glasses, but that hasn’t helped the headache. It is almost like no matter what we do, nothing is helping. Have you ever been at that point?
As I am describing all of this to you, my wife has posted a few blogs about what she is facing. Many people have offered prayers and that has been wonderful to see. Some people expect that their prayer should heal my wife and the reality is that only God can heal her. Don’t take this the wrong way, but if it is God’s will for her to suffer in this season then it won’t matter who prayers for her. I say that with a grain of salt. I don’t want my wife to suffer any moment longer and I have tried whatever I can, but to no avail at this point. I told my wife, “what if God needs you to suffer right now so that you can reach and help others who are suffering? So that you can share your story and bring them hope?”
2 Corinthians 12:1-10 Paul’s Visions and His Thorn
12 I must go on boasting. Though there is nothing to be gained by it, I will go on to visions and revelations of the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows. 3 And I know that this man was caught up into paradise—whether in the body or out of the body I do not know, God knows— 4 and he heard things that cannot be told, which man may not utter. 5 On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses— 6 though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. 7 So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations,[a] a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
If Paul was allowed to suffer then how can we expect that God wouldn’t allow anyone of us to suffer also? You see in pain our emotions become weak, but in that same weakness, God can show His strength. Let me say that one more time. You see in pain our emotions become weak, but in that same weakness, God can show His strength.
I don’t wish any pain upon anyone, but at least we should know that God is with us. God will not give us more than we can handle.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Now this particular verse refers to temptation, but if we are weak, in pain, hurting, does our flesh not want to give up and fall to that temptation? It is only in Christ that we can have the strength to not adhere to our flesh, but instead overcome the struggles.
Through all of this my wife has been a warrior. She has not given up, she has battled and fought hard, but as this condition has set in, it has taken it’s toll on her. The doctors have most recently come back and said that she has fibromyalgia. For most of you, you probably are wondering what is that? Don’t worry, I had to look up exactly what it was also. As stated by the Mayo Clinic,
“Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain processes pain signals.
Symptoms sometimes begin after a physical trauma, surgery, infection or significant psychological stress. In other cases, symptoms gradually accumulate over time with no single triggering event.
Women are much more likely to develop fibromyalgia than are men. Many people who have fibromyalgia also have tension headaches, temporomandibular joint (TMJ) disorders, irritable bowel syndrome, anxiety and depression.
While there is no cure for fibromyalgia, a variety of medications can help control symptoms. Exercise, relaxation and stress-reduction measures also may help.”
Even with that last statement being said, “there is no cure for fibromyalgia”, I serve a powerful God. I know that if and when God wants to heal her from this He can do it. I will continue to seek Him and pray for my wife. This battle is just another chapter of the book the Lord is writing in my wife’s life. I pray that God uses her testimony for help many others see that God is good and that God can still be found in the midst of this storm.
Now that I have tried to explain to the best of my ability what is going on with her life, I want to turn this story slightly. Many times we hear about a story from the perspective of the person that is suffering from a disease, sickness, or illness, but we don’t always hear from their spouse. This is not about me, look at what I am doing, or trying to get any glory, but instead open a door to a situation that many never see or hear about it.
When my wife tells me she is in pain, I am a guy and my built in instinct wants to fix her. Guess what, I can’t! I have tried and tried and tried some more, but I have still failed in trying to help heal my wife. It hurts my heart to know that she is struggling. Have you ever seen a wounded dove and another dove stays behind to help her? That is me, I am here trying to help my wounded spouse recover, overcome, and get through the day to day tasks. Each day it is becoming harder and harder to see my wife suffer. I thought this was only a temporary headache; the longer it has gone on, the more concerned I have become.
Many times I have ask God why her? My wife has done a 180 degree turn since I met her, she got saved, found a whole new meaning to life in Christ, started singing, released an album, serves in a small group, volunteers at numerous events, worked in nursery, serves in our youth group, Lord why her? You see, this is the struggle that you never hear or see. The spouse who wants to help, but the circumstances are much bigger than me. Only God can do this, I can only pray and seek His face.
When my wife is sleeping in bed, I pray for her, I look at her and wish there was something more that I could do. Many times she has thought I didn’t care about her symptoms, but really I couldn’t let her see me cry and breakdown. If I am not strong for her then I feel like I am failing her. I struggle with the fact that I am helpless. In any other situation I could protect her, but from this illness, I can only watch from the sidelines. Sure I do what I can around the house like cooking, cleaning, and laundry because she hasn’t had the energy, but is that really enough? The next thing we wanted to do was adopt a child, we are currently at the final stages, and yet I am here thinking can we really handle another kid in this household? Will God give me the strength to care for another? I have plenty of love to give, but will I have the strength to carry my family plus another? So many questions swirling around in my head, yet I know that God will carry me through. I continue to pray and ask God for His direction. I don’t want to step off His path, the plans that He has, but it can be so difficult. This verse helps me get through:
Psalm 18:2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
You see when things get rough, when it looks like there is no way out, my option is to turn to God, to turn to Him in prayer. Just ask the Lord to help. The mind is a crazy thing, it can wander, it will tell you that you are not good enough, it will tell you that you can’t do this, it will tell you to give up, it will tell you to turn and run, but my God is not that way. God brings me peace about this; God is the only thing that is keeping the joy in my life. I am looking at it from a whole different perspective and looking at Lord there has to be a reason and a purpose for this. Lord, there has to be somebody who has to hear her testimony, how she has battled this pain, how she has overcome it, how she has continued to look to You to get through.
This has nothing to do with me. I am merely her support, I am merely here to help her when she gets down, I am merely here point her back to God when she thinks she can’t do it anymore. But I am still just a human, I am still just a man and sometimes I can let doubt creep into my own life. And I have to turn back and say alright Lord I need you to right my path, I need You to hold me up, I need you to give me everything that I need to get through today.
For those of you out there struggling, with so many different diseases and syndromes, lots of different things out there, I am not going to try and name them all. There are so many different ones that people are battling from. There is ones that I can’t even pronounce. I saw someone the other day talking about this disease that they have and trying to encourage my wife and that they have been overcoming. I have never even heard of the disease. It can be scary, there are many things out there that the enemy will try to use to bring us down and keep us down. You got to get back in the word, you have to read the scriptures. The scriptures will bring you peace, the scriptures will give you strength, the scriptures will cause you to rise up and continue to stand tall, continue to stand upon the rock of the Lord.
I am going to close us out with prayer. Heavenly Father I thank you, thank you for this opportunity to speak and really speak from my heart. To expose the pain, trials, and suffering that I am going through in my own life Lord. This was such a difficult message to write. I have so much of my own pain and emotion that I have not let out and I have just been bottling it in and if I keep bottling it in then eventually I am just going to explode like a volcano. Lord I pray for all of those out there that are suffering. Whatever they are suffering from, I pray for them. I pray for those who are trying to help them deal and cope to get through that suffering because they also need our prayers Lord, they also need Your strength. Lord please be with us, be with us every day Lord and help keep us strong and help guide us Lord. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.
I want to thank you for taking a moment to listen. If you need to reach out to me you can do so on Twitter @KNGMusic or on our website http://www.KNGMusicMinistry.com I hope that things that we are posting are encouraging you. One of the biggest things that we are trying to do is be real. It is so easy to look at a preacher or a pastor or someone on TV and see all the good moments, you never see the bad stuff and think of wow they have such a perfect life. There is no such thing as a perfect life; there is always something that we are going through as people, as humans, even as a Christian there is always a battle, there is always a struggle. If you read through the Bible you will see it, it is never an easy road, there is always something going on, there is always a lesson that had to be learned. There is always something that someone had to overcome. Whatever you are going through, you are not alone, don’t give up, and keep pressing forward. You found this message for some reason, and I hope that encourages you. I hope the things that we are doing is not just so you can like it, RT it, or share it with someone else. I hope it is encouraging, I hope it causes you to seek a deeper relationship with the Lord. That is the real goal, purpose, everything to point people to Jesus, to point them to the truth. Teach them how to go back, look at the scriptures, read it, absorb it, and use it to help build them up. Well, before I start preaching again, let me just close it out. Thank you for joining, have a blessed day.
This was my wife’s next blog post after listening to my podcast: